The Adventures of fat!Draco
by ChibiWhiteFerret
Summary: It's fat!Draco. He's scary, he's hungry, and he likes men. DRACO WOULD NEVER ACT LIKE THIS. Weird ficlet, but please R&R. It's what Draco would be like if he were fat and gay and very OOC. Contains H/D slash. Major squick factor. Be warned!!


Fat!Draco  
  
Fic: The Adventures of fat!Draco  
Author: Savannah (ChibiWhiteFerret)  
Part: 1/1 complete  
Rating: Umm... *shrugs* PG?  
Pairing(s): fat!Draco/Robert (OC), implied Harry/Draco  
Disclaimer: Draco is JKR's. fat!Draco is Libertine's. Delivery man Robert is mine. Not that I *want* him. You're welcome to him. Really.  
Author's Note: This disturbs me. It will probably disturb you, too. I love Draco. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE HIM. But this is not Draco. This is my version of fat!Draco. He acts quite OOC. This is so incredibly odd. You have been warned. And, um - this is all because of the fat!Draco debate on DRACONIAN. Yeah...  
Date: 03/15/02  
  
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HARRY! WHERE ARE MY COOKIES?!  
  
fat!Draco was angry, and you didn't want to be around him when he was angry. He always got moody when he was hungry. And fat!Draco was very hungry.  
  
Ugh, Draco, Harry complained. I bought you cookies yesterday.  
  
I NEED MORE COOKIES! WHERE ARE MY COOKIES?!  
  
Harry frowned. This is why you gained all that weight, you know...  
  
Shut up, fat!Draco hissed. I am not fat.  
  
Yes, you are, said Harry, exasperated. You're fat, you're chunky, you're corpulent, you're -  
  
  
  
said Harry. Go get your own damn cookies.  
  
Do you know who I am?!  
  
  
  
I am Draco Malfoy! I am a Malfoy. Malfoy's do not get fat. And Malfoy's do not buy their own cookies. Therefore, I am not fat and you must buy me cookies. More cookies, more soon!  
  
Gah! I can't DEAL with this right now! screamed Harry, grabbing his coat and leaving the flat. I'll see you later once you've calmed down.  
  
Harry Potter, don't you dare -  
  
Harry slammed the door as he left.  
  
fat!Draco said, seething. No cookies?! And now no Harry?!  
  
fat!Draco caught sight of himself in the mirror. Oh, gods, he said. I AM fat!!  
  
DING-DONG  
  
I wonder who that could be, fat!Draco said, going to the door and opening it.  
  
said the delivery man. I'm here to deliver half a dozen jelly doughnuts to Draco Malfoy'. Is that you?  
  
fat!Draco eyed the sweets hungrily. he said, licking his lips. Yes, it is. I mean, I am.  
  
Please sign here, said the studly delivery man, handing Draco a clipboard with a piece of paper on it. Just sign on the dotted line.  
  
Do you want to come in? fat!Draco asked, doing his best to look sexy despite all of his fat rolls. You can have a doughnut if you want...  
  
Well, sir, said the delivery man in a professional voice. I'm not supposed to -  
  
In you go! said fat!Draco, grabbing the man and pulling him inside.  
  
said the delivery man. Please, sir, I -  
  
Just shut up, snapped fat!Draco, looking the other man from head to toe. You're sexy, you know that? I used to be sexy...  
  
Erm... sir?  
  
said fat!Draco, licking his lips. You look tasty.  
  
The delivery man's eyes widened. Sir, sir I - I -  
  
Come here, you! yelled fat!Draco, pouncing on the other man.  
  
yelled the delivery man as he was pushed to the ground by fat!Draco.   
  
What's your name? asked fat!Draco in his most seductive voice.  
  
Er, it's Robert, sir.  
  
Call me Draco.  
  
Okay. Um, Draco.  
  
Do you want to have sex? I want to have sex now.  
  
If I say no, will you hurt me?  
  
  
  
In that case, yes.  
  
said fat!Draco, ripping the delivery man's shirt off. And just so you know, I was joking about the doughnut thing. No one eats my doughnuts except for me. NO ONE!  
  
  
  
***  
  
fat!Draco and Delivery Man Robert have wild monkey sex. fat!Draco fucks Robert's brains out, then eats some doughnuts. Robert leaves, feeling battered, used, and dirty...  
  
***  
  
fat!Draco exclaimed as Harry walked in the door. I'm so glad you're back! I missed you!  
  
Harry blinked. Did you really?  
  
Oh, yes! said fat!Draco, sucking up to Harry. And I'm sorry I was a git before. Please forgive me?  
  
What's that? Harry asked, pointing to the crumpled doughnut box on the floor.  
  
said fat!Draco.   
  
Harry narrowed his eyes. Draco, did you have sex with ANOTHER delivery boy?!  
  
fat!Draco insisted. He was a delivery MAN, this time. It was perfectly legal!  
  
Harry frowned. I do NOT like you anymore.  
  
But Harry -  
  
I don't think that we should see each other anymore.  
  
fat!Draco's chins wobbled. Is it because I'm fat?! he wailed.  
  
said Harry, shortly. It's because your an arse.  
  
fat!Draco whimpered. But Harryyyyyy...  
  
Come find me when you've lost some weight and have a new attitude, Harry said, leaving again.  
  
fat!Draco cursed. He didn't bring me any more cookies...  
  
~Finis~  
  
--------  
  
I'm scared. I'm squicked. Draco would never be fat, or act all psycho. And I'm sick - literally. My brain is fuzzy. And don't flame me, puh-lease!! Just review to say, It's weird or whatever. But not, It sucks. I have never written - and will never again write - anything like this. I promise. But I do want to know what people think... NO FLAMES!!!! PLEASE!! I just... had to do it. I'm sorry.


End file.
